


You Can't Save Everyone... though you try

by QueenOfDestielLand



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Retirement, Sam Ships It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 17:39:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5711194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfDestielLand/pseuds/QueenOfDestielLand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Team Free Will has just returned from a hunt that went south real fast. Normally the brothers are able to compartmentalize it all, but lately they both feel like they're not doing nearly enough to save the world. As the brothers sit in the library feeling terrible about themselves, Castiel takes it upon himself to remind them how amazing they are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Save Everyone... though you try

The hunt had gone far worse than they anticipated. 

It started when there turned out to be far more werewolves than they thought, as well as far more hostages. The whole damn thing made no sense, and it had felt like the bastards were just toying with them. Even with an angel at their side, the Winchesters were outnumbered. They tried to fight as best as they could, shooting anything that moved and moving the civilians to safety. But by the end, they had only been able to rescue 5 out of the 20 hostages, and most of the werewolves had escaped with their lives. 

They had been off their game lately. Ever since that whole mess with The Darkness, and everything they had sacrificed to even survive it, they just felt - _impaired_. It was as if something inside them was broken, in an irreparable way, and even more so than usual. Fighting monsters seemed mundane lately, and Sam and Dean were beginning to wonder if they were even making a difference at all. They had been hunting the big bads for most of their lives, and the supernatural population didn't seem to be thinning out anytime soon.

And now they had failed to save all those people who had counted on them. Maybe those hostages had no idea that the Winchesters and Castiel even existed, but everyone prays to _someone_ when they think they're going to die. Sam and Dean wanted to be the answer to those prayers. 

The brothers sat silently sat the library table shortly after the failed hunt, each just staring into space, their minds replaying the terrible scene from earlier like some twisted slideshow. Castiel stood in the doorway, watching them for a few minutes with a concerned look on his face. To see the Winchesters in despair was unfortunately not something new to him, but he had a desperate desire to see it all come to an end. It was time for them to stop living a life of tragedy, and to actually start _living_.

Being an angel, a warrior of God, had been engraved in his very being once upon a time. Before the brothers had come into his life, he had been a mighty sword to swing in his Father's name. Though he questioned his orders in his mind, he never had the bravery to speak those doubts out loud - until he met Dean. Despite how closed off the hunter had been to him at first, there was something about Dean that made him second guess everything he knew and believed. His brethren might call Dean Winchester a corrupter, a blight on angel kind who caused their brother to fall, but Castiel knew better. Sam and Dean Winchester were more righteous than any angel. Perhaps that was why they always felt so threatened by the brothers. They knew the Winchesters belonged in Heaven more than they did.

He walked over and pulled out a chair, pondering for a moment about what to say before he cleared his throat. Immediately, they both looked up at him with curiosity, wearing their exhaustion and grief on their faces like a mask.

"Cas?" Dean wiped a hand across his face. "Sorry, did you say something?"

The angel shook his head. "No, but I would like to talk you both."

Sam learned forward, resting his arms on the table. "Sure, man. What's up?"

"Are you alright?" Dean asked.

Even in their current state, they were more concerned about helping someone else than dealing with their own problems. That was just one of the many things he admired about them. 

"Why do you both continue to do this?"

More confusion now. "What are you talking about, Cas?" 

"When is it going to end?" 

"Uh... you gotta be more specific, dude," Dean replied, looking slightly agitated. 

"Hunting. When are you two going to allow yourselves to be free?"

Dean laughed then - a bitter, humorless laugh that made Castiel's heart ache. The hunter poured himself another shot of whiskey. "I don't know what show you've been watching, but there's no quitting for us. Me and Sammy are gonna go down swinging, fighting some asshole demon or vamp, with shotguns in our hands and alcohol in our veins. There's no 'happily ever after' for us, Cas. I made peace with that."

The angel looked sadly at his best friend, wanting nothing more than to hug him. The need for physical affection was still a new concept to him, but he understood why humans needed it so much. Sometimes a simple touch was all they needed to feel whole again. 

"I don't believe that's true," Castiel continued, glancing over at Sam, who just looked utterly exhausted. "The Darkness was the worst possible thing to happen to humanity, and you both defeated it. You saved the world."

Sam ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, but there's still more monsters out there killing innocent people, Cas. Just because Amara is gone, doesn't mean everything else is."

"And?" Castiel asked.

Dean shot him a glare. "Are you serious right now? It's our _job_ to save these people!"

"Says who?" 

"Says... " Dean faltered, immediately looking to Sam for assistance. 'Will you help me out here?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "He has a point, Dean. Besides, it's not like we're any good at it. We... we failed at saving those people earlier."

Dean's face softened at that. "Come on, man. It wasn't your fault. If anything it was mine, since _you_ at least managed to rescue a few civs."

"Actually, it's not the fault of either of you," Castiel said calmly.

Sam and Dean looked at him again. "What are you getting at, Cas? What's with this weird ass conversation?" Dean asked.

"Do you remember what I said to you when I got out of Purgatory?" The angel questioned, his blue eyes staring intently at Dean's. "It was when you were blaming yourself for me being left behind."

The hunter shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Yeah. That's not exactly - something I can forget."

"What was it I told you when you confronted me about it?"

Dean looked away, his eyes filling with sadness. "You said... 'you can't save everyone my friend, though you try'."

Castiel nodded. "That applies to both of you, really. I've known the two of you for so very long, and you always try to save everyone. You rush headlong into danger, not even knowing if you will make it out this time. Not even knowing if you will get to see another sunrise or sunset." He folded his hands in his lap, looking at the appendages that once belonged to Jimmy Novak, the devout man who lost everything so Castiel could do God's work. It had stopped being God's work a long time ago though, after he had fallen in love with Dean. 

"We don't have a choice," Sam said softly. "What if Lucifer manages to find a way out of his cage again, or Crowley decides to be a bad guy this year? We can't take that chance."

"There are other hunters in the world to take care of it. A whole new generation to follow in your footsteps. You have done your part, and faced the worst foes imaginable. Now it's time for you to be happy. It's time for both of you to stop putting yourselves in danger and _live_."

"Cas, where's all this coming from?" Dean asked. "Do you think we suck or something? I mean, I know tonight kind of proved that we do, but -"

"On the contrary. I think you're the best hunters in the world."

"Then why do you want us to quit?" Sam asked, with a raise of his brow. "I don't understand."

Castiel tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke again, the emotions threatening to trickle down his cheeks. He had only ever cried one other time in his very long existence - when he found out Metatron had killed Dean. "Because I'm tired of seeing you two in pain," he said, his voice breaking.

Dean scooted his chair back and walked around the table to lean down next to him. "Hey man, it's okay. Really. Me and Sammy are just being emotional right now, no big deal. We'll get over it. We're not in pain, or anything like that."

"It terrifies me to think of losing either one of you. Sam is like a brother to me, and you..." He paused, not sure if Dean was ready to hear such an important confession. 

Dean put a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, Cas. We care about you, too. You're family, remember?"

"Am I just... your family?" The angel asked hesitantly.

Blue locked on green then, a mix of emotions on Dean's face that didn't give Castiel a single clue as to what he was thinking. Sam, on the other hand, was smirking now, his grief from earlier temporarily forgotten. 

"I - um - what do ya mean, man?" Dean stammered out. 

"Do you _really_ believe you don't have a happy future?" Castiel wondered, not for the first time, how such an amazing man couldn't see how truly worthy he was of happiness. 

Dean sat down in a chair next to him, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "I dunno, Cas. The Apple pie life with the white picket fence was always Sam's dream, not mine."

"I wanted both of us to have that," Sam told him earnestly. "I wanted both of us to find someone who made us happy."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because lots of people are just lined up to get with a monster hunter that has daddy issues and PTSD. Get real, Sam. No one wants me."

Sam's gaze shifted over to Castiel for a moment. "Well, that's not entirely true."

Dean tapped his fingers on the table. "What are you talking about?"

"He means me," Castiel said quietly. 

The hunter's mouth dropped open as he regarded the angel. For a moment or two, he didn't say a word, his mind trying to process the new information. "You... want me, Cas?" He whispered.

Neither one of them noticed Sam silently leave the room, wanting to give them space for this long overdue talk.

Castiel nodded, knowing that this conversation could go horribly wrong after this. But if he expected them to live their lives, then he had to start following his own advice. "Yes, Dean. I have wanted you for quite some time now."

Dean's cheeks flushed red, pouring himself another shot of whiskey and gulping it down. "Why? Why would you want a fucking disaster like me? You're an _angel_. You can do so much better."

"Because I love you, Dean Winchester, and you're not a disaster to me. When my Father created man, _you_ were what he wanted humanity to be like. Kind, caring, selfless - if only the angels in Heaven could be half as righteous as you are, then maybe God wouldn't have left us. You are not broken or useless. You are my best friend, and someday, I hope you will give me a chance to be more. But if you don't, I will just feel blessed to have known you at all."

The hunter looked like he wanted to cry, those green eyes filled with unshed tears. He quickly wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, clearing his throat as he tried to speak again. "I - I don't know what to say, Cas. Nothing could even - "

Castiel smiled at him, happy that he hadn't gotten the outburst of anger he had expected. "You don't have to say anything. I just thought it was time I said it, so that you knew you were loved."

"Loved by an angel." Dean huffed a laugh. "Never saw that one coming."

"To be fair, I rebelled against Heaven and God Himself for you," Castiel replied casually, leaning back in his chair. "So you really _should_ have seen it coming."

Dean stared back at him, dumbfounded. "Wow, Cas. Sammy needs to stop teaching you all that sass."

"Actually, I got it from you." Castiel then threw him a perfect bitch face. "This, I got from him."

Dean burst into laughter. He doubled over, holding his belly as his body shook. "Oh man, I love you too. I really do."

The angel beamed at him. "I'm truly glad to hear that, Dean. You mean everything to me."

Dean stopping laughing then, his face turning serious for a moment. "I mean it, Cas. I don't know what I'd do without you. And maybe you're right - maybe it's time for me and Sammy to retire. We could buy some farmhouse in the country, near a fishing hole and just... be happy."

"That sounds wonderful," the angel said, remembering that time when he had seen Dean fishing in a dream.

"You'd really be okay with just retiring like that? No heaven, no angels, just us?"

Castiel nodded. "As long as I'm with you, I don't need anything else. I tried to help my brothers and sisters as much as I could, sometimes doing more harm than good. It's in my father's hands now."

Dean glanced around, noticing that his brother was gone. "Poor Sammy. It would be awesome if he could find someone, too."

Castiel smirked a bit, his eyes flashing with mischief. "Actually, I think I know just the person for your brother."

"Really? Who?"

"He is 5'8, loves sweets, and often enjoys playing tricks on people."

"Oh, HELL NO!"

 


End file.
